


The Importance of Finding Home

by Akiko_Natsuko



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Being Lost, Choices, Confusion, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Families of Choice, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Memories, Snow
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-09-28 00:29:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17172413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/pseuds/Akiko_Natsuko
Summary: “I don’t have anywhere to go,” Connor whispered, not looking at him as his eyes started to take on that eerie, distant stare again and Hank growled under his breath. Lost… Markus had warned him, and he’d seen it himself when Connor had first started deviating, questioning his choices, wondering what androids were and who they could be, but he hadn’t let himself acknowledge it. Or realise just how bad it was.In the aftermath of the revolution, Connor is lost.





	1. Chapter 1

   Hank had wanted to give Connor some time, after all, it wasn’t every day that you threw away everything that you believed and had clung to in order to help lead a revolution. However, he had seen the blue blood on Connor’s shirt, the pain that his partner hadn’t been able to entirely mask…the conflict when he had fought himself in order to protect Hank, and he needed to see for himself that Connor was all right.  That he was on a path that he had chosen. Which he was now stood outside the house that the androids had claimed as their Homebase in the days after the revolution, squinting up at the intricate architecture. He knew from his research that the house had once belonged to the artist Carl Manfred, and that it was the first property to have ever been bequeathed to an android, and idly he wondered if the man had foreseen all this? Had he seen the potential for humanity before everyone else? Had he known that he harboured the heart of that rebellion?

     Questions, that seemed to be all he had these days, and it was proving harder than ever to get answers, or maybe that was just because he didn’t have a bright-eyed pain in the ass pushing him to work out the clues. Grumbling under his breath, albeit with more fondness than irritation he stepped up to the door, noting the perfectly carved signed that had been created and hung above the door welcoming him to ‘New Jericho’ and knocking firmly on the door.

    The speed with which the door opened reminded him that he wasn’t dealing humans, either that or they had been watching him and he suddenly felt a little naked without his gun. After all, these people had no reason to trust humans yet. The man on the other side showed evidence of having survived the military attack, a nasty burn still running down the side of his cheek and neck and out of sight beneath the baggy hoodie he was wearing. It was also there in the wary gaze that studied him, his LED flickering wildly and Hank knew the moment he had been identified as part of the police, because the brown eyes that had been cautious before, were darkening, narrowing as he stepped back. One arm coming up in a shielding movement, before he finally spoke, in a hard voice.

“If you’re looking for trouble…”

“Enough.” A commanding voice cut in, and Hank turned to find Markus stood behind the other man, studying him with a surprisingly calm expression. Up close, he looked more normal…more human, than the man who had stood with guns trained on him and started to sing only days before “I recognise you from Connor’s memories, what can I do for you, Lieutenant Anderson?”

    At Markus’s words, the other android relaxed a little and stepped aside, waving Hank inside. Making sure to keep his movements slow and unthreatening, Hank stepped inside, trying not to pay too much attention to the hive of activity that he could see in the large chamber that lay further in. Instead, turning his attention to Markus, noting the way that he was holding himself, as though he was still sporting injuries beneath his clothes… and didn’t that just reignite his concern for his errant partner, especially as it dawned on him that Connor no longer had Cyberlife to fall back on when injured.

“I’m looking for Connor.”

“Why?” Markus demanded, lifting an eyebrow at the demanding tone and Hank winced. He wasn’t a people person at the best of times, especially not in situations that required delicacy, and this situation definitely did, as a sharp edge entered Markus’s voice.  “He doesn’t work for you anymore.”

“With me,” Hank corrected.

“With you?”

“He is…was my partner,” Hank corrected himself this time, feeling a pang as he realised that he couldn’t assume that wouldn’t change, even though the idea of Connor not being there sat uneasily with him, despite how reluctant he had been for his company at the start. Swallowing, he forced himself to meet the mis-matched gaze evenly, glad that he had resisted the urge to touch the bottle before coming out here, as his voice remained level as explained. “I just want to make sure that he’s all right. If he doesn’t want to see me then I’ll leave, but…” _Please, just give me that chance._

    Markus studied him for a moment, and Hank almost missed the presence of an LED to tell him if he was just being stared at, or if he was being analysed, before scolding himself for thinking like that. However, before he could lose himself in the swirl of never-ending questions again, Markus relaxed slightly, although the concerned expression that coloured his expression a moment later did nothing to appease Hank, and the words that followed had his own worry skyrocketing.

“He’s not here.”

“What do you mean he isn’t here?” Hank had watched the speech, he had seen Connor up on the stage, although his partner…former-partner? Had been hidden away in the back as though trying not to be seen by the thousands of eyes that had been fixed on them, as though that could shield him from everyone that now knew his name. Who had seen what he had done, both before and after he had become a deviant, and shifted from foot to foot. _Connor…_

“He didn’t return with us, and no one has seen him since,” Markus replied. “I assumed that he had returned to yourself or Cyberlife.”  There was ice in his voice as he referred to the company that had started all of this, and Hank couldn’t blame him, although there was a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach as he shook his head.

“I haven’t seen him…” _And he wouldn’t go back there, not after what happened._ Hank wasn’t sure about many things right now, but he knew that much for sure, and he scowled. _Where the hell would he go?_ It occurred to him now that he should have asked more ‘personal questions’ although there was no way he was going to admit that under Markus’s probing gaze, and he straightened. “Thanks, I’ll find him.” _I hope,_ he added as he turned away, ignoring the appraising glances from the other android who had lingered close enough to keep an eye on him, seemingly not as ready to trust as Markus was, his mind already racing as he tried to work out where Connor might have gone.

“Lieutenant Anderson!” He had just stepped outside when Markus called out to him, and he paused and glanced over his shoulder.

“Yeah?”

“Connor’s lost,” Markus said softly. “More than any of us, and I think that we’re a large part of that. When you find him, tell him that there is always a place for him here, whether he has somewhere else to belong or not.” Hank wasn’t sure whether it was the certainty that he would find him, that he wouldn’t give up until he did or the implication that Connor did have other places that he could call home…or, at least that he would when Hank caught up to him. However, either way, it brought a brief smile to his lips, and he nodded.

“I will, and maybe next time you can try calling me Hank instead.” He didn’t wait for a reply, but he caught the answering smile on Markus’s face as he turned away and headed for his car, his smile dropping as soon as he was out of sight.

_Damn it Connor, where the fuck are you?_

****

    It was as he was checking the now abandoned Eden Club an hour later that Hank came to an abrupt halt, cursing under his breath, as he realised that he had been thinking like a detective and not as a…friend.  The problem was, he had spent so long trying to be neither. Trying to be nothing, that it was hard to drag himself out of the old habits and stepping outside he thrust his hands into his pockets, trying to stave off the chill as he glanced up at the heavy sky, feeling more snow landing on his face and threatening to get heavier. It made finding Connor more urgent, if only because the roads were barely passable at the moment and it looked like it was going to get worse. However, that didn’t help him with finding his partner. _Where the hell would he go?_

     It was the snow, and the cold biting it’s way through his clothes that triggered the thought as he shivered. _Snow… cold, held at bay by the burn of alcohol as he took a swig…and footsteps approaching from behind, at a steady, balanced pace._

“Fuck.” He cursed, the cold forgotten as he turned and hurried towards his car. That night in the park where he had pushed Connor about his decisions at the club…where he had put his gun to his partner’s head and see the first glint of fear in the surprisingly expressive eyes. The place where for the first time he had started to think that Connor might be something more than a mindless machine. It had always been a good place for him to go and think, and he had a feeling that Connor with his limited experience might have seized on that. Although as he slipped into the car, he had to admit that might not be such a good thing, especially with the memories that were associated with the place, and despite the settling snow, he put his foot down hard on the pedal.

_Connor, you better be there…_

_Because I don’t have a clue where else to look._

****

    He had almost crashed more than once, his old car struggling with the worsening weather and it had been a relief to park up at the edge of the park. It was colder here, the wind coming in off the water bringing in a biting chill and he shivered violently, thinking longingly of his winter coat that was hanging by the door with Sumo’s lead back home. Promising himself a hot drink, preferably with a shot of something else inside when he got in, he followed the path into the park, heading for where Connor had found him last time. It was startling to realise just how much had changed since the last time he was here – and not just for the Androids and the revolution, but for himself, and the dull, aching pain that had gnawed at his chest for so many years. It felt like he was breathing for the first time, the isolated park, no longer a place to be alone and lost, but somewhere he had started to find something…and where he hoped to find something more this evening.

    The benches were in sight now, and panic began to build as he couldn’t see anyone sat on them and yet he kept going, noting absently that the snow here was almost up to his knees and soaking into his jeans. _Connor…_ He had just rounded the end bench when a flash of colour caught his attention, and he twisted, hand darting to the gun that he had returned to its usual position after visiting Markus, not quite feeling safe enough to wander through Detroit unarmed just yet. However, he had barely begun to draw it, when his mind finally caught up with what he was saying, and his hand fell limply by his side, and he barely reacted to the chill now hitting his back where he had ruckled up his coat and shirt.

     Connor was stretched out on the bench, looking as though he might have been sat in the same place that Hank had done what felt like a lifetime ago, before toppling over onto his side. His partner gave no sign of being aware of his presence. Hell, if it hadn’t been for the fact that the LED on the side of his head was flickering between red and yellow, he might have thought that Connor was on standby…or deactivated. Because although his eyes were open, they were glassy and empty, starting off at some distant point and Hank followed his gaze for a second, quickly realising that whatever Connor was seeing, was in his own head. Shaking his head, he turned back, taking in the snow that was building up on top of Connor and wondering just how long he had been out here.

    Realising that Connor wasn’t going to instigate this conversation he sighed and stepped closer on heavy feet, deliberately making noise, but there was still no response as he moved around until he was blocking his partner’s line of sight. “Connor?” Nothing. Not even a blink or a shift in the constantly flickering LED, and he shifted, easily squashing the flicker of irritation that tried to stir beneath the worry as he waved a hand in Connor’s face.  “Oi, Connor? Can you hear me?”

    A long moment passed, and then finally Connor blinked. It was the slow, heavy blink of someone coming back to themselves from far away and did nothing to really alleviate Hank’s concern. Glancing at the snow, he pulled a face before crouching down so that his face was on a level with the slowly blinking eyes, waiting with strained patience for Connor to finally focus on him, although it was clear that the android was still not fully with him. Once he was hopeful that Connor could at least recognise him, he reached out intending to shake him, only to find his fingers brushing his partner’s cheek instead, hissing as he realised just how cold Connor was.

“Jeez kid, you’re frozen,” he muttered, and Connor blinked again, actually watching him now. “How long have you been out here?”

“I…don’t know.”

    It was raspy, and uncertain in a way that he had never heard Connor before, and the knot of concern in his chest tightened just a little as he saw the android’s gaze threatening to drift off. “What were you doing out here in this weather?” Logically he knew that Connor was better able to cope with this weather than he ever could, but it was hard to tell himself that with how cold his partner felt, and the fact that it felt as though Connor was ready to drift away. “Connor?” He prompted at the lack of response, hand falling to his partner’s shoulder and shaking him lightly, more pleased than he should have been when the LED turned properly red for a moment before beginning to flicker again.

“I don’t have anywhere to go,” Connor whispered, not looking at him as his eyes started to take on that eerie, distant stare again and Hank growled under his breath. _Lost…_ Markus had warned him, and he’d seen it himself when Connor had first started deviating, questioning his choices, wondering what androids were and who they could be, but he hadn’t let himself acknowledge it. Or realise just how bad it was.

_Maybe, I just didn’t want to see…_

    He hadn’t been in the place to see it then, and even now he wasn’t sure that he was the right person to be dealing with this. But, right now he was the one in front of Connor. The one who could do something, and so he squeezed his partner’s shoulder, not enough to hurt, but more than a light touch and he was rewarded by Connor’s gaze drifting back to his face.

“Yes, you do.” He thought about Markus’s words, and he knew that at some point he would relay them to Connor, giving him the choice of returning to them and joining New Jericho if he wanted. However, for now, he had a feeling that wasn’t what either of them needed and when Connor blinked, honest confusion finally breaking the blank expression he managed a strained smile. “You’re going to come home with me. We can warm up, and then you can sit with Sumo and tell me what the hell you were doing out here trying to imitate a human popsicle.” He winced at his own words as he realised too late what he had said, but Connor didn’t seem to have noticed, either that or he just didn’t care, and Hank didn’t really want to take bets on which it was right now.

“But…”

“Don’t make me repeat myself,” he ordered, although it was nothing like the sharp bark he would have used before and Connor blinked again, before finally beginning to stir, his movements shaky as he pushed himself upright. “Come on, I’ve got you,” Hank murmured, reaching out to steady him, fingers burning as snow fell off Connor and onto his hand. He didn’t let go though, rising slowly and pulling Connor with him, not liking how his partner followed, little more than a marionette in his grasp. “Come on,” he urged, pulling him forward, encouraged when Connor finally began to move under his own steam, although he didn’t let him pull away when his partner tried, slinging an arm around his shoulder and guiding him back towards the car.

    Outwardly he appeared calm…ish, as they walked, but inside his thoughts were racing. _I don’t have anywhere to go,_ those words had hit harder than he had expected. Sure, their relationship had been strained in the beginning, but he had hoped that Connor would’ve known that he could come to him, especially after that moment in the warehouse. Apparently not, and part of him wanted to ream his partner out for that, but the words wouldn’t come, because even though Connor was leaning into his side, letting him take his weight, it felt like he was still a million miles away…and didn’t that scare him? Because, he was the last person on earth who should be trying to ground someone in there here and now, to give them a place to belong. Yet here, on the snowy path, with the park and lonely bench behind them and his car looming out of the darkness, he was the only person that Connor had.

_He just hoped he would be enough, just this once…_

“Let’s go home,” he murmured, realising that Connor had faltered at the sight of the car. However, his partner seemed to come to life at his words, the thousand-yard stare slowly turning to focus on him, and for the first time since finding the android, Hank felt like Connor was seeing him properly. He still looked lost, blinking slowly as though emerging from a dream, his LED flickering wildly, but there was something else in the gaze that met his.

“H-home?” _Hope._ It was hope, Hank realised, hearing it in the quiet whisper. _I don’t have anywhere to go._ Cyberlife was gone, and whatever had happened with the other Deviants had left Connor adrift… no wonder he was so lost, and while Hank knew that his next words weren’t going to fix everything, but hopefully it would be a good start, and his voice was soft, a tone that he hadn’t used since Cole had been alive as he replied.

“Yeah, home.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

   Hank had cranked up the heating as soon as they’d got into the car, wincing as the old car heater whined in protest before beginning to blow warm air at them, fiddling with the dial until most of it was blowing towards Connor. He almost faltered as he realised what he was doing, and how futile it probably was, but then he glanced at Connor and realise that his partner had automatically reached towards the heat, at that moment looking terrifyingly human, and his eyes darted away before Connor could catch him watching. And thankfully Connor didn’t say anything as he started the car and guided the old vehicle into a lurching turn that was made worse by the way his hands trembled as he clutched the wheel.

_I am not the right person for this…_

    The journey back to his house was quiet, and he wasn’t sure whether that was a good thing or not. It was certainly unnerving because whenever Connor had been quiet before, it was either because he had been destroyed, or because Hank had done or said something to make him back off. However, it was also a relief because despite his unexpected impact in mentioning going ‘home’, he still had no idea what he was supposed to say to Connor. He did use the trip to watch Connor out of the corner of his eye, pleased to see that he did at least look more comfortable – and that was a question for another time, just what could Connor endure and not endure? The LED had never stopped flashing though, even when Connor’s expression had become a little less lost, settling back into the quiet calm that had irritated him so many times, still dancing mainly between yellow and red. Especially, when they past points where the uprising and the subsequent attempts to quell it had left a mark on the city, Connor seeming to almost physically recoil at those points.

    _Connor’s lost_ was rapidly becoming the biggest damn understatement of the year he realised, and for half a second there was a temptation to turn around and take Connor to Markus and the others. If they had contributed to this, then they should be the ones to fix it, and they would probably understand better than he ever could. He didn’t turn around, knowing that he had also contributed to this, because why else would the idiot have thought that he couldn’t come to him? _Because, you pushed him away far more than you embraced him,_ and more importantly because out of the corner of his eye he caught a flicker of blue as his house came into view as Connor’s gaze locked onto it. Looking like a drowning man who had seen land for the first time in weeks, and like that all thoughts of pushing the problem away disappeared, and he carefully pulled the car to a halt at the curb.

     The silence didn’t break, and he grumbled under his breath as he realised that for once Connor wasn’t going to take the initiative, and finally he reached out, pleased to find that Connor was warmer beneath his fingers as he squeezed the Android’s shoulder. “Come on, let's get inside before Sumo destroys the place in his excitement.” It was easier to say that, than any of the other things that he needed to talk about, and apparently, it was the right thing to say as there was another flicker of blue, and Connor gave a jerky nod, before fumbling with the handle.

    Satisfied that he was moving and ignoring the conversation that he could feel looming over them, he stepped out of his own side, glancing around as he did so. The houses around him were dark, abandoned at least for a while after everything that happened, which probably meant that this was one of the safest places for Connor to be right now, as he had caught whispers of pockets of resistance. Some people unwilling to heed the ceasefire, and he grimaced, trying not to think how he might have been one of them if Connor hadn’t managed to break through his walls. He certainly wasn’t going to voice that thought now that Connor seemed to be settling a little, blue flickering amongst the yellow and red, as he turned to find his partner waiting for him.

     It was another change, as Connor had never hesitated to let himself in before, and Hank had all but given him an invitation with his words. Perhaps he was going to have to do something more symbolic, but for now, he locked the car and moved to join his partner, urging Connor forwards with a hand on his back. “Hurry up, it’s freezing out here,” he muttered, still softer than he had before and Connor obeyed, still quiet, still lost as he fell back and trailed Hank up the path to the door. Sumo was barking on the other side, and Hank winced as he heard something go flying, no doubt swept aside by an overenthusiastic tail. Catching the tiniest quirk of Connor’s lips, as he quickly opened the door and shoved it open, nearly being bowled over as Sumo greeted him, before moving to greet Connor with such enthusiasm that he started to think he should be jealous.

     Still, it seemed to convince Connor that he was welcome here, at least for the time being as with a wary glance at Hank he stepped inside, hand still on Sumo who was bouncing around him, acting like a dog half his age. Not about to look a gift horse in the mouth, Hank followed, closing the door firmly behind them and shutting out the weather and hopefully the rest of the world long enough to fix this, whatever this was. Shrugging off his coat, he shivered and glancing at Connor’s sodden clothes he made a decision, as he gestured for Connor to go further into the living room. “I’ll go and find us some dry clothes, and no that is not up for discussion,” he added, seeing the budding protest, and taking great satisfaction in seeing Connor’s mouth snap shut. _Now, why couldn’t I do that before,_ he wondered as he turned and made a beeline for his bedroom, listening to the sound of Connor and Sumo moving around, amusement fading as he realised that the Android was still too quiet.

_What is going on in that head of yours?_

*

    When he returned a few minutes later, changed, and with a pile of dry clothing in his hands, it was to find Connor sat on the couch, his head in his hands, and Sumo laid at his feet watching him and whining under his breath. Hank paused in the doorway, watching as Connor’s fingers tightened in his hair, the LED back to red when he glimpsed it, and any hope that he’d had that this wasn’t going to be as bad as he’d thought faded there and then.

“Connor…” His partner flinched, which…hurt… but was also at least a sign that he hadn’t drifted too far into his own thoughts again, before looking up at him. “Here, go and get changed, and then I think we need to talk.” _And hope that I don’t fuck this up,_ he added silently, still convinced that he was the wrong person to be doing this, but also that he was the only person who could.

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re soaked through,” Hank countered, holding the haunted gaze and lifting an eyebrow, realising that he had won where there was a flash of blue before Connor sighed and rose to his feet. He held out the clothes, daring his partner to argue with him, but there was no fight in him at the moment, even his protest a moment ago had been a token protest, and he was worryingly dispirited as he came and took the clothing before disappearing away to the bathroom.

    Hank waited until he heard the door click shut before glancing down at Sumo who whined at him, tail thumping against the ground. “This is going to be a disaster,” he muttered, before heading through to the kitchen,

    He was half-tempted, or more than half-tempted by the open bottle still sat on the table, and the others that he had in the cupboard, but he knew that he was going to need his wits about him for this. Besides, there was something about seeing Connor stretched on that bench, lost and broken in a way that Hank had never expected to see him, that made him reluctant to do anything that could send him back there. With an irritated sigh, not sure if he was more annoyed with himself, or his damned partner, making him actually think things through rationally for once, he settled on making a strong cup of coffee instead. He made one for Connor too, knowing that he couldn’t drink it, but hoping that having something warm and ‘human’ to hold would help keep him grounded for the conversation they needed to have, realising that he was going to have to go shopping though if this was going to become a longer-term thing. Which was an intimidating thought in its own way, and he decided not to worry about that for now.

      By the time Connor reappeared he was sat on the couch, Sumo curled beside him dozing, although he lifted his head, tail beginning to wag at the sight of the Android. However, he seemed to sense that this wasn’t the time to play, settling for just watching as Connor hesitated before padding across to the armchair facing Hank. He was still being too quiet, but now Hank took the opportunity to study him, briefly amused to notice how his clothes were swamping Connor, before realising how young and lost he looked now, separated from the suit that he had used almost as armour for so long. His LED was more stable, although it lingered on yellow, and Hank had a feeling it wouldn’t take much for that to change again.

    There were also a couple of lingering patches of damage, and Hank wasn’t sure whether that was from the confrontation in the Tower that had been far too close for comfort, or if something else had happened since. He would ask later, having a feeling that if he started there, then he would get nothing useful from his partner, although it was hard, as he remembered the fear that had gripped him during the battle between the two Connor’s… and how close he had come to making the wrong decision, and his grip tightened on the mug he was holding.

“So…” He stated, almost eager to get the conversations started so that he didn’t have to think about that, even though he was dreading the talk to come. “Are you going to tell me what you were doing freezing to death on that park bench?” It came out more awkwardly than he’d intended, almost accusatory in places and he winced. _I’m really not cut out for this…_

    Connor didn’t reply immediately, his eyes taking on that distant cast once more as he reached blindly for the steaming mug in front of him, instinctively wrapping his fingers around it without seeming to realise what he was doing.

    As the silence stretched on, Hank started to think that he wasn’t going to get a reply, ready to curse up a storm at the thought that he had messed up already, and he was just about to…he wasn’t sure what, certain that he would just make things worse when Connor moved. The mug creaking in protest as his grip tightened for a second before he looked up, and he wasn’t distant anymore, but terrifyingly present and looking at Hank with such raw emotion that the older man found himself shifting uneasily.

“Do you remember our first mission, Lieutenant?” The question when it came was so quiet that he had to lean forward to catch it, frowning at the seeming non sequitur.

“Yeah…” _Of course, I fucking remember it,_ the words were there although he didn’t voice them, still unable to believe just how much had changed in the space of a few weeks. It felt like it should have been months or more since they’d first stood together in that house – an earnest, irritating plastic partner that he had never wanted, and a broken cop teetering on the edge. A lifetime, considering everything that had happened, and that they were now sat here, almost or rather hopefully as friends, and he shook his head in disbelief. “Yeah, I remember, but what….?”

“How different could things have been if I had listened back them? If I had stopped to think for myself from the beginning?” It was almost as though Connor had forgotten he was there, gaze turning distant once more, as his voice dropped lower and lower as he continued, almost rambling now. “He was afraid to die. He begged me not to tell you he was there, to help him. I saw all that, and yet I didn’t hesitate.”

“It was your job…” It was a weak jab at comfort because he had asked himself those questions when Connor had still been clinging to his purpose, his mission, unable to understand how Connor could see those situations and not react. Connor seemed to know where his thoughts had gone, curling in on himself, as his lips twisted into a grim mockery of a smile for a second before he looked down.

“Do you know they call me the Deviant Hunter?” Connor asked, expression twisted with grief and guilt, and such hurt that Hank found himself leaning forward, itching to reach out and hug him. _Connor’s lost, more than any of us, and I think that we’re a large part of that,_ Markus’ words returned to him, making a terrible kind of sense now as he heard the self-loathing in those last two words. Understanding blossoming, as he studied Connor – the LED that once upon a time had never gone beyond yellow regardless of how stressful the situation was, now flashing red once more. “I might have helped at the end, but that is how they see me. I can see it when they look at me, at the way they go quiet when I’m close, and who can blame them?”

_He’s a Deviant, but he’s not one of them._

_He’s a Prototype built for a mission that no longer exists._

_He’s trying to be human, but he doesn’t know how to be one…_

    No wonder Connor was lost, and with those kinds of thoughts rattling around his head and with no experience of how to deal with them, it was no wonder that he hadn’t known where to turn or how to reach out. Hell, Hank could barely manage to do it, and he’d been ‘human’ all his life. _I just want to make sure he’s all right,_ his own words seemed to mock him now because it was clear that Connor was so far from all right that it wasn’t even on the same map. Sighing, and rubbing a hand over his face, feeling more out of his depth than ever he focused on Connor once more, realising that he was still talking. A litany of questions, of self-blame as he had replayed each case, each choice he had made…each failure, and although he hadn’t moved, it felt to Hank as though he was drifting further and further away with each word.

“Connor,” he tried to break into the stream of words, but Connor continued unaware, LED a solid red now, and cracks spreading through the mug in his hand.  “Connor, stop!” He ordered, louder this time, and with a tinkling sound, the mug shattered as Connor jolted violently, the untouched coffee, thankfully cooler now splashing across him and the floor. Connor seemed blind to the dampness, to the shards that were cutting into his hand, and Hank cursed as he shot to his feet and moved across to him, mindful of the pieces on the floor as he crouched in front of his partner. With a gentleness that he could never have imagined showing Connor before, he eased the shards that Connor was still clinging to out of his hands before he could do more damage, tossing them onto the coffee table with a stern warning to Sumo to stay where he was.

     The cuts were thankfully minor, already healing as he glanced at Connor’s hand, although the lines of blue blood remained. He wiped these away with his sleeve, before meeting Connor’s gaze, not sure whether he was relieved or no to see that Connors’s gaze was focused on him. Seeing him, although it didn’t look as though it was helping. If anything, he seemed more confused as he watched Hank’s ministrations, and abandoning his efforts, in favour of resting his hands-on Connor’s knees and holding his gaze.

“I can’t pretend to understand anything…” That admission rankled more than he cared to admit, but he didn’t let it show. “But I do know how it feels to have made all the wrong decisions, to have kept making them even with the evidence right in front of your eyes that you’re doing the wrong thing…” He glanced across the room at where Cole’s photo lay face-down next to the half-empty bottle, hands trembling for a moment before he tore his gaze away and focused on Connor once more. Focusing on what was right in front of him for once, on the things that maybe just maybe he could fix. “I also know that you can come back from that. That you can make a difference…” It wasn’t easy. None of this had been easy, and he knew that he had made it harder on both of them, but as he said the words, he realised that he believed them.

He believed that he was making a difference, and it was because of the Android in front of him.

Now, he just had to convince Connor that he could do the same.

    Connor who had a glimmer of longing in his eyes, as though he wanted nothing more than to believe those words, to seize what Hank was offering him before he shook his head and looked down once more. “This is different…”

“Why?”  Hank demanded, knowing that not long ago he would have agreed and probably for the same reasons that Connor was. Believing that the Android could never come close to understanding how that felt, to sharing those all too human doubts and emotions… he didn’t believe it now, not when Connor’s expression twisted again, raw and hurting, and Hank pushed and hoped that he wasn’t above to go too far. “Why is this different Connor?”

“I…” Connor faltered, frowning, and Hank had a brief second of hoping that he had broken through or at least found a way that would let him reach him. “I…” The LED was flickering now, the red seeming to glow brighter with each second that passed, until Connor shuddered and shook his head, carefully avoiding Hank’s gaze. “I didn’t understand, and I-I didn’t want to understand.”

“Neither did I,” Hank pointed out, although he knew that wasn’t strictly true, as he had started to question deviancy and everything around it before he had seen Connor starting to. But he hadn’t wanted to, he hadn’t wanted to see that ‘deviancy’ wasn’t a bad thing, that the Androids were more than the humans had allowed themselves to see them as. Just as he hadn’t wanted to see that the world went on even with Cole no longer in it, or that no matter how hard he pushed or drank, he couldn’t escape this world or the people who insisted on reaching out to him. “That still doesn’t make this any different.”

“It is different!” The shout burst out, startling them both from the look of it and now Connor had pulled back, shrinking away from Hank. “It is different…” He repeated, soft and uncertain this time, as he glanced down at his hands. “I hurt my own…I hurt them.” Hank frowned at the hesitation and the distinction but didn’t speak, sensing that there was more to come. “I was one…I should have been helping them. Instead, I nearly destroyed everything… their leader, their hope, their future.” _Your,_ Hank wanted to correct him, not liking the distance that Connor was building up. “It doesn’t matter what I did after, or that I ‘helped’ at the end. None of that changes what I’ve done, what I nearly did even then…” That bit was said so softly that Hank was fairly sure he wasn’t supposed to have heard it, and he filed it away to broach later. “Or that…”

“Or that…?”

“I don’t know what to do.”

“Connor…” Hank trailed off as Connor looked at him with a gaze that was far too raw, and at that moment utterly human.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to be anymore…”

 


End file.
